The first week

I really planned to write every day of intros and first week. About 4 dates into week 1 I started a scribble diary by my bedside so the last thing I did every night was at least jot what we'd done ready for when I could do this.

The last 10 dates have been amazing, fabulous, exhausting!
Right back to post review.
The day after was Thursday. On this day I picked up my son at 8 and returned him at 7 ish ready for bed. 4 journeys that say, simply exhausting. By the time it came to take him back I just wanted to keep him. During the day we had lots of play, we went down to the park and played on the swings and then as he'd fallen asleep in the pushchair, we went to the marina and sat in the sun.on arriving back at the foster carers I was met with a table full of gifts. Cards and presents from foster family, child minder, parents of play mates. One very loved child. Memory box was given and all items explained. An album of photos documenting all his life and the wonderful foster carers had carried on with photos of intros taken and added in too. I took presents for all the family and the foster sisters gave me lovely hugs. It was very emotional. They've all had this little boy in their life's since he was 4 days old. The love for him was over whelming and I will tell him about these amazing people who gave him a dimply brilliant first chapter of his life. When I got back I was so emotional there was no way I could write.

Friday - placement day. I expected thus to be very emotional but compared to the goodbyes from the previous day, it was very straight forward. No other kids around bad a quick good bye, handover of last items, hugs and in car and off. I suddenly missed his foster family very much. I hoped they'd know how much I love this little man and his much I will move heaven and earth to ensure he has an amazing life. I didn't tear up until a mile or so away when on my iPod came on Take That 'greatest day' oh yes it was, and the start of many!

The first week. I can't believe it's on,y been a week. We bonded do quickly. He's such a friendly chappie. He sleeps 12 hours, we've cracked a lovely bed time routine. The first 4 days we were solo and went to local parks the first two days. On the weekend we both came Finn with horrendous colds and on the most coughing, snotty night my monitor, that was amazing, decided not to charge.
This meant getting in the car and once replaced we went to elvaston castle for a great walk round.
We both loved this so much that bank hol Monday we went to Staunton Harold.

By now I was craving some adult company and he some kids. So I met up with a friend who also had a 9 month old for a soft play date. Initially my son was a little unsure and kept wanting to hold on to me. This us amazing. It means he's attached and sees me as offering comfort. He soon came out of his shell and played.

The following day we went yo the luminarium which was amazing. He loved all the sensory aspect. It was good to just be us two again. The last few days have followed suit, another soft play date, this time cheeky chappie was on top form. And today Grannie was met. It made me quite emotional seeing it finally happen. He was comfortable in her company but still liked to check on me. Perfect.tomorrow it's meet my sister. I'm hoping two days on the trot isn't too much for him but he's bonded so well I hope not. If it is then I'll slow down. I thinks couple of hours for first meet is enough. Gotta treat it a bit like intros.
Right that's a very quick catch up. But now my tea is cooked. Great advice from adoption forums about pre cooking and freezing portions of food. Routines are getting established but they don't all come at on e. That full freezer is a god send!

Midway review

Yesterday was the midway review and thankfully no issues or reason why Friday can't be placement day. After we went to soft play where his childminder was with all the kids. So loved is he that his childminder gave him a present.
After this the whole family came to my house. His foster sisters checked out his bedroom and toys and it was lovely to see him in his new home. Really quick entry tonight as tomorrow is placement but I'll write about today at some point before I write about move in day! But I am exhausted so bed us calling!

Day out -intros

Yesterday was my first time out solo with my son. The tests of baby seat, new pushchair, strap adjustments etc all done in real time. You can't really adjust a pushchair until there's a wiggly baby in it!
The weather was heavy rain showers! So a trip to a garden centre that has a small farm and lunch there followed by a walk round the park.
All went amazingly well. I thought after a couple of hours he may start to miss foster family but he just giggled and sung and flirted with every old lady whose eye he caught!
A couple of people asked his name and age and dud I have any others! Felt bit like I was lying when I answered! But soon found my rhythm! Next stop for a drink was much more natural! Midway review today!

Day 3 of Intro's

So yesterday when I got in the car after seeing my son, the song that was playing was a Hoziers one and I thought the lyrics to the chorus were so apt.

And so I fall in love just a little, oh a little bit every day with someone new

I fall in love just a little, oh a little bit every day with someone new

I fall in love just a little, oh a little bit every day with someone new

I fall in love just a little, oh a little bit every day with someone new

Every hour I spent with my son the love and the bond grows. There's never been a moment where I've worried or panicked. It now feels like I'm leaving my son behind. When I wake I wonder why he's not in the same house as me.

When I arrived yesterday he was still in his cot. I went to get him up and was given a lovely smile. I then had gorgeous cuddles whilst he had his milk. Still half asleep. (Both of us!).

After the school run we went to get him weighed. All these rituals that I don't know what I'm supposed to do. His health visitor was lovely, she apologised for not being at the LAD and it was great to meet another person who had been involved in my sons life. 

As for weight, despite being ill recently and not eating as much he still had gained and was growing well! 

After this we went to play group. Another thing I'm glad I went to with his foster mum and child minder because it means when I go on my own I'll know more what to expect. With a baby you have from birth you learn these things gradually, with adoption it's in at the deep end. And he's such a sociable baby and so used to lots of people that I don't want to leave it too long before we go to playgroup or other groups. 

After this he had a nap whilst we had lunch, very considerate of him. Once awake I fed him and then re-energised we did lots of play and cuddles! Lots of eye contact and smiles and I hit some real deep belly giggles off him. 

http://youtu.be/Ax3qCW319nk

Gorgeous boy. Today I go later and take him out and cover the night time routine! 

Day 2 of intros

I really want to write every day of intros but blimey once you get home and the adrenaline leaves, whoosh are you knackered!
Today was a 9:30 start. When I arrived LO was up and in his high chair and the rest of the house were in various stages of getting dressed  (for the girls this just means wearing frozen costumes!).
Today all the children were there and the little boy I'd met on Friday came up to hug me and the girls wanted to tell me all about everything! It's a good job I only have space for one child as otherwise I'd be wanting the other foster kids, so so cute.
My LO was in an even better mood than Friday, his cold and teething seemed improved and we had more giggles and smiles.
His foster mum gave him breakfast and then we all had brunch whilst he napped.
Later on I fed him, he's such a wiggler and wants to get involved. I'm swaying more towards baby led weaning but that's quite difficult in a house full of kids! Plenty of time for that! Lovely to feed him.
Lots more cuddles and playing and then home time! The hours fly by when I'm there. Early start tomorrow. I can't wait for him to move in!
Once home I sorted out my TV which blew up this morning, ok it went pop but it no longer works. A new TV wasn't in the plan but think it's pretty essential for the next few months!
I looked at the photos taken by social worker on my camera this morning of the first meeting. She managed to video it. So wonderful! Early night for me!
Picture of fab toy sent! If I can't have my real camper at least I can instil a love in my son!

First meeting

Well my beautiful darling boy, now we've met. And now I'm counting down the hours until I see you and hold you again. You made all my dreams come true. When I read the CPR I said you were perfect and I was absolutely right!

Prior to meeting we had the planning meeting. This went very quickly and I was given lots of official paperwork, birth certificates, photos, support plans, life story book etc.. It was all gathered up and put in the car to look at later because once done I could meet my son!
From the social services meeting I went to the foster carers. My sons foster mum came in the car with me and we chatted away. I can't believe how calm I was. I've waited for this moment for so long.
When we got to the foster carers home my son was still with the child minders.
After what felt like forever (social worker poised in the corner with my camera ready to record the first meeting) he was brought into the room. Fast asleep! A little perplexed face woke up slowly and looked around from the arms of his foster mum. I touched his hand and said 'hello you, I've been waiting a long time to meet you'.
He looked at me in a very steady way as if summing me up and then was happy to be held by me. Oh my god, I'm holding and cuddling my son! His social worker took more photos and he beamed for the camera.
I spent the next two hours playing peek a boo, feeding and cuddling my beautiful boy. I can't wait until tomorrow when intros start up for real! I'm a mum! This is amazing! I'm totally and utterly in love xxxx

The day before intros

So in 19 hours I will meet my son. The last week has been manic. A week off before intros should be a minimum. But it's meant the week has moved quicker than the last week of work. On Tuesday, after the ADM decision finally came through (yes of course phew!), I fitted my car seat. Allow at least half a day for that. I then decided to put my push chair into the boot. Except I couldn't. It was too tall! Doh! Thank god I tried this before intros started.
So suddenly I'm hunting for a compact pushchair. The money given to me by my godparents suddenly had a very definite purpose! So now I have a pushchair that fits in the car but not in the house and one that fits in the house cupboard and not in the car! Ha!
So onto tomorrow. I'm so excited and so nervous. I'm trying to breathe slowly, read, watch TV, anything that relaxes me. If I think about meeting my son I well up.
This time tomorrow I'll know him. I cooked up a load of baby meals yesterday just incase. Food shop ordered. Nursery ready. Car packed up including spare outfit incase of accidents.
Nappy bag ready to add in on Sunday. Everything washed. I even did ironing today! That may not last, sorry son!
Everyone has been so generous with bags of presents. Toys, toiletries, clothes. So so lovely.
If adoption is paper pregnancy with the gestation period of an elephant then I think my waters just broke!
I can't wait to meet my son! Xxx

Last day at work

Well that was surreal! So many lovely kind presents, great fuddle and then in true nursing style a calm shift turned insane and I left in a sweat and knackered!
Now a week of catching up with people and jobs before I start intros. An amendment to intros was sent today, a much better change.
Voting also done. Always consider what Parties say about nhs and nursing but this year I looked at child related aspects too!

Last week of work, ups and downs

Well it's been a strange week since panel. Initially I was quite shell shocked. In a good way. And exhausted as I hadn't slept pre and post panel. The day after panel I had another spa day, bought for me by my wonderful friends at my baby shower. I started a tad hungover and then once I had the massage and facial that was it. I could have sat and not moved for the rest of the day. It was bliss.
First day back at work last Friday. I was overwhelmed by people giving me presents (see pic for my loot!), so many lovely people have lived this with me.
At the weekend I had a sorting day and then up north for a christening for my friends little boy who is the same age as my little one. Playing with him and enjoying the christening made me think of my boy and how I will celebrate the day he gets my name. That led on to thinking about how amazing that will be and the.n how would I pay for my grandiose plans! But really as long as everyone who has supported me and loves us is there then that's all we need.
And then a wonderful week came crashing down. My best friends beautiful baby boy died suddenly. Such a horrendous, world stopping turning, moment as she told me. Why? There are no answers, there is no reason. This little boy who is so loved, so cared for, so wanted has gone.
I can't imagine how horrible the world is now for my friends, how much living hurts. I want to take their pain away. I can't.
And in a terrible terrible bitter sweet way I suddenly felt like a mummy because all I wanted to do was hold my little one and tell him I love him. I needed to hear he was ok. I texted his foster carer and she told me of his busy day, his grump at the end of the day and his teething. She sent me a picture of him and I loved him even more.
Life is not fair.